why here, why now
it’s the first day of my fiftieth year, that is to say the calendar year in which i turn fifty. many would, and have, counseled me to round the number down, not to prematurely leap into the increasing invisibility that comes with being old. but i’ve been waiting for it, with bated breath, with anticipation and open arms, i love a round number, i love a new start.
every calendar year for the past decade, i’ve spent the final few days with the year compass, a tool that asks you to reflect back on the last twelve months and look ahead to the next, and to choose a word of intention for what lies ahead. this year i’ve chosen transformation, and in the deep etymological dive i’ve done, my most favoured interpretation has been: trans = beyond, and form = map. to move beyond the map.
so for me, the year ahead will be one of stepping out of the mapped reality, out of the prediction, and leaping into as many uncertainties as i can intuit surrounding me. which includes creating a space where i share thoughts, musings, and wordspells in the silence of a library-like substack. i’m not here to top up a feed, i’m here to get real, get vulnerable, get honest about peering through the portal and not knowing.
to celebrate that, i’ll share the lyrics to a song i wrote for ‘without mass’ which was a collaboration with my friend tor and the tuesday choir which brought light and hope to many during the most shadowy and least certain months of lockdown
glory be uncertainty glory be unknowing glory be potentiality the searching and the growing
glory be the mystery glory be unearthing glory be unpredictability the seeking and the searching
glory be the pregnant pause glory be unspeaking glory be result without a cause the watching not the seeking